You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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