Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
