I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
