So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
