Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize