sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
