i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize