i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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