I wanna bring you to show and tell
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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