sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
