Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
