i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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