I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
barbara walters just said penis...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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