i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
