She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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