After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
