Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
