I want to walk on stilts...naked
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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