After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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