I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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