on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
