VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
