Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
