I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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