My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
