May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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