I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Still dying that you shit outside
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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