It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
