I smell stomach acid.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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