i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
