I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
