She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
