Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
