Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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