i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
