hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
