Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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