walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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