I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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