The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
