nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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