Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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