I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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