Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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