the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
