So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
