question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
