I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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