Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
