I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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