honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
