It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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