I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
FUCK WHALES
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
