Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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