I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
