He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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