So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
