There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
