dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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