We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
