i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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