Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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