...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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