chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
