Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
