Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
