ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
