Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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