it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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