I am in a vortex of obligation.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
