Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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