dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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