you didnt know i had herpes?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
