Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize