Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
