Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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