He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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