Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have post one night stand depression
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
