R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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