I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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