NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
