So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
