he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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