The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
