Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
