I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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