ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
