I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
