I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
