I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
