the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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