Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Randomize
