Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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